Sunday, March 21, 2010

broken glass

I am still having trouble getting on the internet with my laptop, so I am giving it a try on my blackberry.
Sometimes I can't decide if I am coming or going. Emotions so high and no release.
The title broken glass is an expression of what I am feeling. My glass is broken in most areas of my life, and sometimes when I feel the energy to help myself and pick up a piece, I get cut. All these little cuts are creating scars that I am scared may not heal. I want to heal, but now the journey is just something I do because I have to, not one I am enjoying or excited to see the healthy end.
The little bit of light that flickered off the glass is growing dim.
I question my strength to fight---i haven't completely given up, but I am so close and it seems so easy to do right now. Then I don't have to answer questions nor do I have to put on a face of the slighest bit of care. (And NO I have NO intentions of offing myself, NEVER would that be an option)
I want to believe I will get better and smile again, just not sure I want a new me. Change is envitable I know. But will I be bitter/angry/full of resentment as I am today and have been for more than a year????
Well I will sit and wait to see what the future holds....

3 comments:

Southern Sage said...

well I sure hope it gets better for you.

Good luck.

Julie said...

Getting caught up on my blog reading...hang in there, sister.

Paula said...

Being cut be glass creates small wounds, dependeing where they are it takes time and care for the wounds to heal, but healing they do. There is an American saying: turn the scars into stars. Yes, you have an extrem difficult time and yes it is ok to be down and frustrated and even somtimes bitter. it doesnt mean you will sayt like that. You haven been like that before and it can be RE-discovered. RE-gained. it is still insde you juts layered by all the things which happened. Hoeny, you will change like I changed too. The new me is the sam just different. Sounds funny? As far as I am concerned you still will recognize yourself. Hugs from this side of the pond. I keep you in my thoughts