Sunday, January 3, 2010

No drug to ease this pain...

After I wrote my post the other day I kind of had a melt-down, dwelling on the things I am not able to do or fix at this time. I cried for a bit and felt sorry for myself.

At this very moment in my life...I am struggling with molestation, rape, and domestic violence against members of my family. It hurts to know these things and to hear about them.

I know that I can't change what has happened but what hurts the most is the loss of innocence. These crimes happened to children under the age of 17. Their lives are changed forever and so is mine. This bastard came in and changed how they will forever look at the world, took away trust, and added a fear within them that will always be there.

I am so scared of my feelings in all this, I am afraid of cracking when around the children, especially when I am one of the people they need to be a rock, a confidant, and a safe place. This is part of the reason I need to talk with someone. Yes, I have begun the process.

6 comments:

Southern Sage said...

Well just be strong, no worries you can do it.

Roxy said...

I can understand how you are feeling... being a child rape survivor myself, I know the negative influence it has on the victim's life. This type of violence stirs anger within me! I hope you can learn how to emotionally deal with this somehow... because it doesn't go away until the issue has been resolved. Take your time and write about it when you feel the need to. Hugs!

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

I'm sorry your family has to deal with this, but please know it can be overcome. I was molested by three different men at various times in my life, starting at the age of 5. One of them was an very close uncle--someone who should have been a protector. But the love of a good man for the past 34 years has helped immensely. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Alex said...

I'm sending you my love. You know where I am if you need me *hugs*

I can tell you, though, that if they have hope, they can and will move beyond this. I have been there, done that. I believe I am a better person now that I ever could have been because I have seen that kind of evil. I now feel no sadness or anger towards the criminals nor towards the situation.

Have hope. It's hard, but it's possible.

xoxo

Paula said...

I can relate. The lost innocence, the anger and fear. It changes the outlook of life. Ever since I need vigiliance, taking special swlf care and paying myself plenty of attention to not be down all the time. I keep you in my thoughts. Love

Sapphire said...

you have been through it! You have survived and now you can be there for them! You do not need to be strong - you need to be real. They will respond to real - real emotion, real pain, real tears ... you can give them a place to express them freely without shame or guilt or fear.