broken glass

I am still having trouble getting on the internet with my laptop, so I am giving it a try on my blackberry.
Sometimes I can't decide if I am coming or going. Emotions so high and no release.
The title broken glass is an expression of what I am feeling. My glass is broken in most areas of my life, and sometimes when I feel the energy to help myself and pick up a piece, I get cut. All these little cuts are creating scars that I am scared may not heal. I want to heal, but now the journey is just something I do because I have to, not one I am enjoying or excited to see the healthy end.
The little bit of light that flickered off the glass is growing dim.
I question my strength to fight---i haven't completely given up, but I am so close and it seems so easy to do right now. Then I don't have to answer questions nor do I have to put on a face of the slighest bit of care. (And NO I have NO intentions of offing myself, NEVER would that be an option)
I want to believe I will get better and smile again, just not sure I want a new me. Change is envitable I know. But will I be bitter/angry/full of resentment as I am today and have been for more than a year????
Well I will sit and wait to see what the future holds....

Anxiety and online issues

I have been lucky enough to be able to actually get online. I tried all weekend and was not successful.
Work has been challenging, been training for a couple of weeks and teamwork is hard to come by lately.

On the verge of 2 potential surgeries and 1 confirmed within the next month. The confirmed one is just fixing some annoyance, but necessary. The other two will CHANGE my life. I am on pins and needles and anxiety is running high. The necessity of one of those is close to being a matter of life and death in my opinion. I wait impatiently!!!!

I am hoping to be enjoying the company of my BFF, very soon. Just come and stay forever, please????!!!! lol

And can I say damn those girl scout cookies......they are irresistable!!!! I really need to know why you can't just eat a few of the mints....I have only been able to eat a sleeve of them at a time, no matter my determination...lol

Well it is late and I need to get to my comfy bed!!!

I am still here!!!

It has been a long month.....and yes I have missed you all!!!
I have had more medical issues, again! I tell you what I am so tired of seeing and talking to doctors. Unfortunately, it is all REAL and not a figment of my imagination.

I would have been back sooner but my roommate got wireless internet (a couple months ago) and my laptop computer has gone to SHIT! It has gotten even worse in the past couple of weeks. Most of the time I can't even log on or it can't find the damn server. Anyway, you can see I am not a techy guru so I just go with it when I can get on.

Been feeling like a change is coming, but not sure what. I have been a little put off with some of the closest people to me. I know that I have really become withdrawn from most everyone and everything. This change I am feeling, I hope is going to be me coming out of this little box I have put myself in.

Well I have some breakfast cooking and I have been awake ALL night long......and NO it had nothing to do with SEX or alcohol (damn it)..lol