broken glass

I am still having trouble getting on the internet with my laptop, so I am giving it a try on my blackberry.
Sometimes I can't decide if I am coming or going. Emotions so high and no release.
The title broken glass is an expression of what I am feeling. My glass is broken in most areas of my life, and sometimes when I feel the energy to help myself and pick up a piece, I get cut. All these little cuts are creating scars that I am scared may not heal. I want to heal, but now the journey is just something I do because I have to, not one I am enjoying or excited to see the healthy end.
The little bit of light that flickered off the glass is growing dim.
I question my strength to fight---i haven't completely given up, but I am so close and it seems so easy to do right now. Then I don't have to answer questions nor do I have to put on a face of the slighest bit of care. (And NO I have NO intentions of offing myself, NEVER would that be an option)
I want to believe I will get better and smile again, just not sure I want a new me. Change is envitable I know. But will I be bitter/angry/full of resentment as I am today and have been for more than a year????
Well I will sit and wait to see what the future holds....