Broken Heart/Justice Served

I have had my highest high and my lowest low today all within 4 hours of each other.

My Heart is broken....He, the one who has been in my life for over 7 years......says "I am sorry....You were the best"!!!! All I could feel were daggers hitting every possible part of my body.

(I had to tell him something, that I knew would change everything. It changed my life and it would change us.)

Mentally, I expected this the other day. But I tell you what, my heart was not prepared for this and is crushed. This was really going to be the end, WTF not yet. I never thought this was going to HURT this bad.

The last words were said by him..."We have a memory..most spend a lifetime fantasizing..we lived it."

Damn I am going to miss him like no other!!!!!! As I sit here crying, I appreciate him being honest with me.

On to the BEST news.
The legal matter I have been pretty vague about finally came to an end today. Pleading guilty were the words I have been waiting to hear. The bastard is going to jail for crimes he committed against my family. I wish the sentence was more but some justice will be served. Rot in hell!!!!

I need to take some time to bury my face in a pillow and scream.......I will update you with more things that are going on when I can keep my composure.

Hump day

Just thought I would drop in after a few bad days.

I am just an emotional wreck. This week started out bad with a work problem that I had to immediately fix bright and early monday morning.

Had a problem with some meds getting stuck in my throat. I have to admit that it is painful when it happens. I am ok, just a bit of a sore throat.

Anyway, I should be sleeping!!!!

Happy Hump Day

No drug to ease this pain...

After I wrote my post the other day I kind of had a melt-down, dwelling on the things I am not able to do or fix at this time. I cried for a bit and felt sorry for myself.

At this very moment in my life...I am struggling with molestation, rape, and domestic violence against members of my family. It hurts to know these things and to hear about them.

I know that I can't change what has happened but what hurts the most is the loss of innocence. These crimes happened to children under the age of 17. Their lives are changed forever and so is mine. This bastard came in and changed how they will forever look at the world, took away trust, and added a fear within them that will always be there.

I am so scared of my feelings in all this, I am afraid of cracking when around the children, especially when I am one of the people they need to be a rock, a confidant, and a safe place. This is part of the reason I need to talk with someone. Yes, I have begun the process.

Opening up

I have been feeling so negative in the past year. I have tried so damn hard not to bring that FULLY here.

I believe that in the pursuit of trying to be positive I have become more withdrawn within myself. So as much as I did/do not want to make this a down and out blog. I am going to be honest with myself and let this take its course here. I know that means you will see more of the bad than usual. That is part of the reason why I have not blogged more regularly. I didn't want to show that negative girl that I have become.

So 2010 begins with me being more real even if it means that I am negative. I will find the real me again...no let me rephrase that, I will find the new person who can deal with what life is throwing at me. I do feel like it is more than one person can really handle.